Life Lessons From My Grandmother
When I was in primary school in Lebanon, an incident at school taught me some important life lessons.
During a writing assignment that we were instructed to carry out by our teacher, a classmate sitting next to me whispered something funny which got us both giggling. At that very moment the teacher looked up and witnessed our playful interaction. She singled me out and instructed me to come to the front of the class. Then she picked up a piece of chalk from the writing board and asked me, as punishment, to put it in my mouth. I looked at her incredulously and refused.
She became frustrated when despite her insistence I repeatedly refused to put the piece of chalk in my mouth. She then tried to force the piece of chalk into my mouth. I clenched my teeth and in the process the chalk slid across my clenched teeth and bruised my gum. I took the piece of chalk and flung it defiantly on the floor. At that moment the school bell rang signalling the end of the school day, so I collected my things and took the school bus home.
“We have absolutely no control over what happens to us in life but what we have paramount control over is how we respond to those events.”
- Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist
When I arrived home I told my Teita (Arabic for grandma) what happened at school. Teita was furious, not with me but with the teacher. She headed straight to the phone and called the deputy head and made a formal complaint. The deputy head was very apologetic and assured my grandma that she would look into the matter.
When I went to school the following day, the class teacher called me to the front of the class again, however this time, with a stony expression on her face, she apologised for what she had done the previous day. I nodded my head in acceptance and went back to my seat.
At the time I wasn’t able to make sense of my teacher’s behaviour. I felt hurt and confused by it. Various questions were going around in my mind. Why did she act so weird? How come she singled me out for punishment and not my classmate? Was she being discriminating? (I was the only black kid in class and one of two in the whole school), a concept I was too young to comprehend then.
As usual I took my pain and confusion to my Teita who always made me feel better. Teita helped me learn a few important life lessons from this event:
Someone’s behaviour says a lot about him or her and nothing about me.
To hold compassion: Even at that young age I was forgiving and remember feeling sorry for the teacher who I imagined was clearly going through some difficulties and made a big mistake. My Teita helped me separate the person from the behaviour. The teacher was a good person but her behaviour was bad.
To call it out: I am glad I told my Teita about the incident as in my childlike mind I could have easily assumed that I was in the wrong for being playful in the middle of a task. By taking appropriate action, Teita demonstrated to me that bad behaviour is not to be tolerated. We need to call it out and take action.
Lastly and most importantly, I have people on my team. No matter what I faced in life I had people like my Teita who reminded me that I am loved cared for and supported.
Teita’s wisdom helped me learn that the way we respond to what happened, and the meaning we make of what happened, leaves a bigger impact on our lives than what actually happened.
