My Quest For Self-Esteem

Do you feel that you are not worthy of happiness?

 Do you feel the need to always prove yourself?

 Do you feel undeserving of love and destined to be hurt?

 Do you feel like you are an imposter?

 Do you feel the need to see others as inferior?

 Then you most probably are experiencing low self-esteem.

 Due to the circumstances surrounding my childhood I grew up with low self-esteem. 

 It was an obstacle that I fought to overcome throughout most of my teen and young adult life. It impacted all my decisions and choices in both my personal and professional life. 

 It was not surprising that when I became a mother, the one thing I intensely wished and hoped for, was for my children to have a healthy dose of self-esteem. I was willing to do everything in my power to give them that. I intuitively knew that it was something that will make them thrive instead of survive, like I had been doing most of my life. 

 Yet despite my intention and all my efforts I failed in this task as I observed signs of low self-esteem in my daughters during their early years. I was curious as to the reasons why. 

 I reflected and thought hard about this and read many books on the subject. It turns out that a lot of psychological problems are traceable, partly, to the problem of low self-esteem. One day I had a ‘eureka’ moment. In that moment I realised that I can’t teach something to another if I am not able to demonstrate it in myself. Children learn more from what we do than from what we say. To give my daughters the gift of higher self-esteem, I needed to gift it to me first. I needed to demonstrate this to them through my thoughts, feelings and behaviours. I needed to be able to practice what I was preaching. 

 “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

- Mahatma Gandhi, Indian lawyer and anti-colonial nationalist.

 In my quest to learn, understand and raise my own self-esteem, I engaged in coaching, counselling and eventually trauma therapy. Seeing how positively this impacted my life, I followed up by studying the very psychological concepts that were personally transformational for me. 

 This kind of work naturally opened Pandora’s box. It was sometimes painful and challenging work, yet also very freeing and rewarding work. 

 In the midst of all this work something magical happened. 

 I observed that as my own self-esteem rose so did my children’s. I was paying it forward for generations to come because I was investing in my own personal development and my own mental and emotional well-being. I did not know then that this experience would later on lead me to my purpose and the work I am doing today. 

“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there’s no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.”

- Laini Taylor, American author.

 The above experience taught me that to raise an emotionally and mentally healthy next generation, something that was extremely important to me, I needed to start with myself, to work on my own emotional and mental well-being first. This way I ensure that I no longer unknowingly pass on to my children unhealthy beliefs and prejudices, unrealistic fantasies, and in general unhealthy patterns of thinking feeling and behaving. Instead I gain the ability to give my children the space to think for themselves, and give themselves the permission to be who they want to be, and do what they want to do in life. 

 I am grateful for having a curious mind that led me so many years ago to that ‘eureka’ moment of clarity. 

 I am grateful for having the courage to ask for help. 

 I am grateful for having the belief that things can change, and for realising that I have within me what it takes to make that change. 

 So to anyone out there who thinks that asking for help is a sign of weakness, I say to you that in fact it is a sign of strength.

 And to anyone who has doubts about investing in their personal growth and development, and in their mental and emotional well-being, I say stop hesitating and start engaging. It is the best gift you can give to yourself.

 You are worth it!

 If you are struggling with issues of self-esteem then do please get in touch.