Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Should I stay or should I go?

Have you ever been in a situation where you repeatedly asked yourself the above question? 

I have, in both my personal and professional life. 

I have also worked with some clients who found themselves at some point facing such a dilemma. 

Although being in this in-between stuck situation feels uncomfortable, the experience, with the guidance of a professional, might present opportunities for growth and self-discovery. It can offer a space for personal development.

As a coach and counsellor I of course do not have the answer to my clients’ question. It is not my place to tell them whether they should stay or indeed go. My role is to work with them and explore together, from the here and now, the best way forward for them. 

We explore together what aspects of their personal history are impacting the present situation. Together we decontaminate the present moment from past out-dated beliefs, prejudices and fantasies so the client can gain clarity and expand their capacities for an appropriate response in the here and now. 

 I do that by applying a model called the Ego State model from transactional analysis. This model proposes that we have three distinct parts to our personality: Parent, Adult and Child. Each of these parts has its own set of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that interact differently with the world. 

When we are in Parent ego state we interact with the world like a Parent figure from our childhood. We embody their beliefs and prejudices about the world and way of thinking, feeling and behaving. 

 When we are in Child ego state we interact with the world the way we did as children, emotional, spontaneous, creative and uninhibited. 

 When we are in Adult we interact with the world from the here and now moment using all the information and data available to us in the moment. 

 We reach a dilemma because we are trying to negotiate between Child needs and Parent demands. 

 Together with my client I explore the following:

 What are the past childhood needs that the client is trying to meet today?

 What past parental beliefs and prejudices are still forming an obstacle today?

 And in their quest to meet those needs and uphold those beliefs and prejudices are they losing their authenticity? 

 Being in a space and time when we are asking the question “Should I stay or should I go?” means that we are in a space between stories. The old past story and a possible new story. 

 The above curious exploration allows for discovery that in turn leads to recovery. The aim is to strengthen the client’s Adult so they can think for themselves and give themselves the permission to hold on or let go of what no longer feels harmonious to their authentic being. 

 This added clarity allows the client to take the right actions in the moment from their Adult ego state. 

 So if you find yourself like me, once upon a time, or like some of my clients, facing the kind of dilemmas where you are asking yourself the question above, then working with a coach or counsellor can help you arrive at making the appropriate decision. An outcome that is reached with awareness and is devoid of unwanted influences from your past. 

 Is this something you need support with? 

 Get in touch.