The Secret To Happy Relationships

I have been preoccupied the past couple of weeks with the wedding of my daughter, who got married on the 4th of June. I took a break from all other activities in order to be fully present with her, close family members and friends, on this special occasion. We had a beautiful and joyful day. Luckily I had been practicing my ‘one leg’ dance (check previous posts) as we ended up performing it later that evening 😃. 

 In the run up to the wedding day my daughter asked me this question:

“What is the secret to a happy relationship?”

 My answer without any hesitation was:

 “The secret to a happy relationship with another, is to have a happy and healthy relationship with yourself first.”

 I truly believe in the importance of having a healthy relationship with yourself before you can have a healthy relationship with others. I also believe that this applies not only to romantic relationships but all other relationships too. This is what my life experience has revealed to me and what I later learnt when I studied human behaviour and personality. 

 When you have a healthy relationship with yourself:

 ✔ You take responsibility for your own behaviours instead of carrying the blame for everyone else’s. 

 ✔ You do not entertain the fantasy that you can fix everything and everyone, and recognise that you can only manage and bring about change in yourself. This in turn will most probably lead to changes in your environment.

 ✔ You will not always neglect yourself and put others’ needs above your own, and then feel resentful because they do not follow suit. Instead you will recognise that to give to others you need to give to yourself first. 

 ✔ You will not say yes when you actually want to say no, then feel overwhelmed and have a sense of failure because ultimately you are unable to meet all those demands you have put on yourself. 

 ✔ You will not feel constantly anxious, agitated and on shaky ground, due to self-doubt, and instead feel secure, confident and grounded with your sense of self-worth.

 ✔ You will speak to and treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you show others. 

 ✔ Having a healthy relationship with yourself means that when you disagree with another you manage the situation with the ability to still show love, kindness and respect.

 ✔ When you have a healthy relationship with yourself you will know that you are good enough. 

 From this vantage point every other relationship you form, will be healthier and happier, and if it is not, then you will spot the signs early on, and have the awareness and self-worth to intervene early on, and take steps to exit a toxic relationship or set boundaries that protect you from harm. 

 “every time I meet more of myself 

i can know and love more of you”

- Yung Pueblo, poet and philosopher

 What do you think is the secret to healthy and happy relationships? Please share your insights in the comments.