Speaking Fast And Slow

Are you a fast or slow speaker?  

Has the speed of your speech ever been an issue in your life?

I fall into the group of fast speakers. 

As a child and teenager I was ridiculed and laughed at repeatedly when I spoke. Often someone amongst the listeners would make a joke at my expense, and ask me through fits of laughter to, “please rewind and play it again.” 

I am sure the kids did not mean to be unkind, however the kid at the receiving end, me, felt shamed and hurt. Sometimes even adults in my environment imitated me and made fun of how I spoke. 

In time and out of awareness I formed a limiting decision that grew into a limiting belief. 

I am not good at public speaking and never will be. 

“It is important to see that whatever seems determined in your life has been determined by you unconsciously. You have written your own software. Depending on the way you have written your software, that is the way you think, that is the way you feel, that is the way you act, and that is what you invite into your life.”

- SADHGURU, a yogi, a mystic & founder of Isha Humanitarian Foundation

As I grew older this limiting belief turned into a strong fear of public speaking. I did everything I could to avoid speaking in public like it was the plague. 

On the occasions that I managed to avoid it, I felt relief mixed with shame and disappointment. I was disappointed because of the missed opportunity of sharing what I felt was of value. I felt shame at my inability to express my thoughts and opinions. 

On the occasions when I could not escape from it, I suffered tremendous anxiety and stress leading up to the main event. During the event itself I would shake like a leaf, have a dry mouth and struggle to concentrate, as all I could focus on was the need to get myself off that visible stage as soon as possible. At the end I would feel relief that it was over plus disappointment and shame with my performance. It was a vicious cycle.

I tried different things to help me overcome my fear of public speaking, like for example joining Toastmasters (an international non-for-profit organisation that helps people develop communication, public speaking, and leadership skills). They helped a little, however my real transformation came when I embarked on my studies about human behaviour, and had therapy. It was only then that I unearthed the real underlying issues behind my fear of public speaking, and became aware of those past limiting decisions and beliefs that I have made as a child. I also became aware of deeper traumatic experiences that added to my fear of speaking publicly, of being centre of attention and of being visible. 

For each vow and limiting belief that I reprogram and reframe, I get another layer of freedom.”

- Katische Haberfield, author.

Awareness was key because you can’t change what you are not aware actually exists. Once aware then the healing and recovery can start followed by taking actions to make new empowering decisions and beliefs to replace the old ones.

Today I wouldn’t say that I am totally free of fear surrounding my public speaking, however, because I have had the awareness and healing work, I am able to use that knowledge and awareness to energise me instead of paralyse me. Added to this is my passion at sharing what I have learnt in order to support others.

I am perhaps still a fast speaker but this habit no longer evokes shame in me. I embrace it and take steps to remind myself to slow down so I can communicate effectively the message I want to share with my audience.

Why is it important to uncover limiting beliefs? 

Because they navigate our lives and they are essentially errors of judgement. By uncovering them we gain the ability to limit the damage they cause and increase our choices. 

How do you uncover the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from reaching your true potential?

• By taking time and space to reflect on your life, and discover the areas where you feel you have not gotten the results you want despite your efforts. The areas where you feel out of sync with what you really want to be, do or have.

• By paying close attention to what your body is trying to communicate to you. 

• By engaging the services of a coach, counsellor or therapist because they act as objective observers who are more likely to detect those errors of judgement that you confidently carried within you for so long. So do go ahead and treat yourself to a number of sessions to resolve these issues. You are worth it.

Does this resonate? Is this something you need support with?  

Let’s talk.