๐๐ณ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ?
๐๐ณ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ?
This month marks 5 years since my divorce was finalised.
As a counsellor, I have supported international clients who were going through divorce. The added difficulty here was that they were going through this difficult process away from their home country & the support of their extended family. In some cases their whole existence here in the Netherlands was tied to their spouseโs career, which added to their vulnerability.
Divorce, although painful, can lead to enormous personal growth. It can initiate a healing journey during which you can reconnect with yourself, become unlocked and find your voice.
These are some of the things that have come up in my sessions with clients:
๐๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ด, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ช๐ค๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ช๐ง๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฑ๐ข๐ต๐ฉ. ๐๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด, ๐ข๐ด ๐ฑ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ง๐ถ๐ญ ๐ข๐ด ๐ช๐ต ๐ฎ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฎ, ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ซ๐ฐ๐บ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ถ๐ญ๐ง๐ช๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฎ.
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ค๐ช๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ช๐ณ๐ด๐ต ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฑ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ค๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ธ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ. ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ธ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ง๐ถ๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ถ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ค ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐จ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ง๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ท๐ข๐ญ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ด.
๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฎ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ง๐ฆ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ, ๐ข ๐ง๐ข๐ช๐ญ๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ, ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ข ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐จ๐ถ๐ช๐ญ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ, ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ณ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ค๐ถ๐ญ๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด. ๐๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ, ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ด๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต, ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ณ๐จ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฅ.
๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ช๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐บ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ง๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ข๐บ๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ธ๐ข๐ณ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ข๐ญ ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐จ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ต๐บ ๐ค๐ณ๐ช๐ด๐ช๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฎ.
At the same time, it is important to acknowledge that divorce is a death experience; the death of a relationship, of dreams, & a future that you had imagined. Allow yourself time to grieve the losses, and come to terms with those endings. Only then can you start to focus and engage in the new beginning with less anxiety & more energy.
There are resources available to you in the community & networks around you such as working with a counsellor or attending support groups.
If you would like to learn more about the counselling services I offer, or to take advantage of a 15-minute intake call with me free of charge, please get in touch via DM or my website: ๐ธ๐ธ๐ธ.๐ณ๐ฆ๐ค๐ช๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ด4๐ค๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ.๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ
