Let's Talk About Fear And Anxiety

Anxiety was a constant companion throughout my childhood and young adult life. Growing up, I saw it demonstrated clearly by parental figures and society at large. A civil war, a coup d’état and a sudden death in the family only served to perpetuate this anxiety and add trauma to injury. 

Anxiety or fear has a purpose: to signal danger in life threatening situations and alert us to do one of three things: fight, flight or freeze. In our world today we mostly face non-life threatening events that build up and elicit a false fight-flight-freeze response. Since we can’t avoid these modern day stresses, such as paying the bills, giving a presentation, or getting a PCR test result in time for a flight, as they build up we can end up with a nervous system overload. Although this response is in tune with how your brain is programmed to respond, it is out of proportion with the actual danger of the situation. 

Anxiety comes in many different forms: chronic worrying, fears and phobias, performance anxiety, public-speaking anxiety, shyness, panic attacks, fear of stepping outside your home, obsessions and compulsions, post traumatic stress disorder, concerns about your appearance or worries about your health. No matter the type of anxiety or fear you are experiencing, there are elements in common to all anxieties: 

• They all involve negative patterns of thinking. Often when you feel anxious and afraid you are telling yourself that something terrible is about to happen. You conjure a negative scenario in your head, for example about taking a flight, standing in front of an audience or meeting someone new. The fear is as a result of the negative messages and scenarios you are playing in your head. 

• They all lead you to avoid the thing that you fear. Depending on what it is you fear, you go through life avoiding it. You avoid flying for example, or giving a speech, or taking the lift, or meeting new people. 

• They involve suppressing your authentic emotions. Perhaps you grew up in a culture where emotions were kept in. Perhaps the messages you got growing up were that it’s not okay to talk about your feelings. Therefore anxiety is a result of these unprocessed feelings surfacing in response to experiencing certain life changing events such as a new relationship, a breakup, a promotion, a relocation, having children or the death of a loved one. These events can arouse inner unresolved conflicts and trigger feelings of fear and anxiety. 

The symptoms of anxiety are not always obvious. They can manifest themselves in different ways such as talking too much and exhibiting endless energy or talking too little and being withdrawn. They can be mild but chronic, or severe and acute. Some ailments, such as headaches or digestive problems, can also be related to chronic anxiety. 

I went through a big part of my life not addressing my own anxiety and instead suppressing feelings of discomfort. Eventually, through my psychological studies and therapy I gained valuable awareness and understanding of my own anxiety related issues and in turn learnt resourceful ways to manage them.

It’s interesting that many of the clients that seek me as a coach also suffer from and want to relieve their fears and anxieties. My personal experience allows me to fully appreciate their struggle and my professional knowledge allows me to support them to discover helpful ways to alleviate their own anxiety. 

The reality is that life is stressful and certain events can lead us to be anxious and afraid. It’s not about leading a life devoid from anxiety but learning how to manage it so it is proportional to the event being experienced.

Here are four suggestions on how to manage your fears and anxieties:

1.     Anxiety = Fear
And Fear is an acronym for:
F - False
E - Evidence
A - Appearing
R - Real
One of the ways to manage anxiety and fear is to do a reality check. Essentially checking out the evidence. The brain does not distinguish between what is fantasy and what is reality. If you imagine a horror scenario your physiology will soon change in response to that imagined scenario. You will feel stressed, anxious and afraid, as if the scenario is happening in a real sense. In this emotional state you will feel disabled, even paralysed. You cannot access the creative part in your brain that can employ the resources you have at your disposal to find solutions, because in this state you will be blinded to them and will see little or no options. 

So why not use this amazing brain skill to your advantage? If you want to imagine, then imagine positive scenarios and outcomes. Make them as joyful and as vivid as you wish and enjoy the warm, fuzzy, and energised sensations that will flood your body as a consequence. In this positive emotional state you will be more joyful and therefore more resourceful, more empowered and more productive. 

Doing this helps to re-programme your brain to seek out positive scenarios. Remember that practice makes perfect. 

2.     Instead of suppressing your anxiety, try engaging with it instead. Often anxiety is trying to communicate something to us, something that needs our attention. Listen to it and try to understand what it is trying to tell you about your present life situation. Do you need to take action with regards a personal relationship or a work situation? Once the appropriate actions are taken the anxiety often subsides. 

3.     Anxiety typically is in relation to a future event. We can’t control the past or the future. We only can exercise some control over the present moment. A quick way to bring yourself to the present moment is to bring your attention to your breathing. Breathe in and then slowly breathe out. Repeat this for a few minutes and enjoy the effects. Again it is helpful if you incorporate such a meditative technique into your everyday life.

4.     Anxiety often leads us to regress to a past childhood experience where we needed to be comforted and reassured. Here is an exercise that I do that almost always works to calm me down.
Close your eyes and imagine your child self as a baby or toddler perhaps. Imagine this baby coming to you and is anxious and frightened. What do you normally do to comfort a frightened child? Yes, you hold that child close, whisper in their ears and tell them that you will keep them safe. That they are loved and taken care of. Hold your inner child and comfort them for as long as needed. Usually it only takes a minute or two and you will feel calm again. 

It’s important to address your anxiety and seek professional help if necessary, as in some serious cases it can lead to depression and even suicide.