Do you want to feel better? Then move your body.

We often hear the phrase “mind over body” but not much the phrase “body over mind”. The body’s impact on the mind is what Caroline Williams, author of Move, wrote about in her book, and in an article she has written for New Scientist in May 2021 entitled Mind-altering moves. 

 I discovered a lot about how our body can affect our mind years ago during my NLP training and later on I learnt more about our body’s connection to our mental well being during my TA training. 

 Caroline confirms that neuroscience research shows that the way we move our body can change the way we think and feel and lists six ways through which we can achieve this:

 ✔ Walking/ Running

 Moving and thinking are intertwined and walking or running at a pace that feels easy for you allows the mind to wander and thus allow for broader and more creative ideas to flow. I certainly experience this every time I do some exercise. Caroline suggests that a walk is the best thing to do before an ideas meeting. These activities, when done at the right pace, have a big impact on blood flow to the brain, which increases memory and spatial awareness. 

 ✔ Strength Training

 Studies have shown that today’s sedentary life style is causing a decrease in our muscle strength. This is not only relevant to our physical health but also our mental health because strength training appears to increase grey matter in the brain and improve memory. The reason is linked to the release of a hormone called osteocalcin from bones during weight bearing exercise that has been linked to age related cognitive ability. Feeling strong, says Caroline, also positively affects our self-esteem and mental resilience possibly because “our sense of what we can achieve in the world is built on the foundation of our bodily sensations”.

 ✔ Dancing

 Bopping to music makes us feel good. It is also a natural human trait. You only have to watch what a baby does when you play music. I certainly saw this when my girls were babies. Apparently this feel good factor is “because our brains work as prediction machines that constantly make guesses about what is likely to happen next”. Therefore a regular beat is easy to predict and so provides a pleasurable sensation due to a dopamine hit every time we get it right. When this occurs repetitively, it can lead us to feel  “powerful and in control” according to music psychologist Edith Van Dyck. So we can access this kind of powerful pleasure alone, or experience bonding if we choose to do it with others. 

 ✔‍ Breathing 

 An ability to control the muscles of your chest and diaphragm, to regulate and synchronise your breath, has been shown to make a big difference to the way you think and feel, lead to deep relaxation (a state of “ being” rather than “ thinking”) and even achieve an altered state of consciousness. Wim Hoff’s method to cope with stress is heavily based on learning to control our breath. I enjoy cold showers much more when I control my breathing. 

 ✔ Posture

 Standing or sitting up straight has been associated with a positive mental attitude. New research links this to neural pathways between the brain and adrenal glands, which are responsible for the adrenaline rush caused by stress. This neural pathway also has a connection with the muscles of the core that stabilise the torso and support posture. This can explain the stress- relieving factor of exercises like Pilates, yoga and Tai chi. Therefore the more upright your posture the more confident you will feel and the less stress you will experience. This certainly helps when it comes to public speaking. 

 ✔ Stretching

 Apart from feeling good and loosening tight muscles, it seems stretching has the additional benefits of reducing inflammation and boosting our immune system through releasing adenosine triphosphate, a molecule that manages levels of inflammation, inflammation being the immune system’s response that increases in times of stress, injury or infection. Stretching also seems to stimulate drainage of toxins through the lymphatic system. This helps the mind because the less inflammation you have in your body, the less depression, chronic pain and fatigue you experience.

 Michelle Obama and Beyoncé joined forces in 2011 in a campaign to get the Nation to “move their body” to tackle obesity. What they might not have known are the benefits they also imparted to mental health. 

 Do you want to feel better? Then move your body.

“Don’t just stand there on the wall

Everybody just move your body”

- Beyoncé

Let's Talk About Fear And Anxiety

Anxiety was a constant companion throughout my childhood and young adult life. Growing up, I saw it demonstrated clearly by parental figures and society at large. A civil war, a coup d’état and a sudden death in the family only served to perpetuate this anxiety and add trauma to injury. 

Anxiety or fear has a purpose: to signal danger in life threatening situations and alert us to do one of three things: fight, flight or freeze. In our world today we mostly face non-life threatening events that build up and elicit a false fight-flight-freeze response. Since we can’t avoid these modern day stresses, such as paying the bills, giving a presentation, or getting a PCR test result in time for a flight, as they build up we can end up with a nervous system overload. Although this response is in tune with how your brain is programmed to respond, it is out of proportion with the actual danger of the situation. 

Anxiety comes in many different forms: chronic worrying, fears and phobias, performance anxiety, public-speaking anxiety, shyness, panic attacks, fear of stepping outside your home, obsessions and compulsions, post traumatic stress disorder, concerns about your appearance or worries about your health. No matter the type of anxiety or fear you are experiencing, there are elements in common to all anxieties: 

• They all involve negative patterns of thinking. Often when you feel anxious and afraid you are telling yourself that something terrible is about to happen. You conjure a negative scenario in your head, for example about taking a flight, standing in front of an audience or meeting someone new. The fear is as a result of the negative messages and scenarios you are playing in your head. 

• They all lead you to avoid the thing that you fear. Depending on what it is you fear, you go through life avoiding it. You avoid flying for example, or giving a speech, or taking the lift, or meeting new people. 

• They involve suppressing your authentic emotions. Perhaps you grew up in a culture where emotions were kept in. Perhaps the messages you got growing up were that it’s not okay to talk about your feelings. Therefore anxiety is a result of these unprocessed feelings surfacing in response to experiencing certain life changing events such as a new relationship, a breakup, a promotion, a relocation, having children or the death of a loved one. These events can arouse inner unresolved conflicts and trigger feelings of fear and anxiety. 

The symptoms of anxiety are not always obvious. They can manifest themselves in different ways such as talking too much and exhibiting endless energy or talking too little and being withdrawn. They can be mild but chronic, or severe and acute. Some ailments, such as headaches or digestive problems, can also be related to chronic anxiety. 

I went through a big part of my life not addressing my own anxiety and instead suppressing feelings of discomfort. Eventually, through my psychological studies and therapy I gained valuable awareness and understanding of my own anxiety related issues and in turn learnt resourceful ways to manage them.

It’s interesting that many of the clients that seek me as a coach also suffer from and want to relieve their fears and anxieties. My personal experience allows me to fully appreciate their struggle and my professional knowledge allows me to support them to discover helpful ways to alleviate their own anxiety. 

The reality is that life is stressful and certain events can lead us to be anxious and afraid. It’s not about leading a life devoid from anxiety but learning how to manage it so it is proportional to the event being experienced.

Here are four suggestions on how to manage your fears and anxieties:

1.     Anxiety = Fear
And Fear is an acronym for:
F - False
E - Evidence
A - Appearing
R - Real
One of the ways to manage anxiety and fear is to do a reality check. Essentially checking out the evidence. The brain does not distinguish between what is fantasy and what is reality. If you imagine a horror scenario your physiology will soon change in response to that imagined scenario. You will feel stressed, anxious and afraid, as if the scenario is happening in a real sense. In this emotional state you will feel disabled, even paralysed. You cannot access the creative part in your brain that can employ the resources you have at your disposal to find solutions, because in this state you will be blinded to them and will see little or no options. 

So why not use this amazing brain skill to your advantage? If you want to imagine, then imagine positive scenarios and outcomes. Make them as joyful and as vivid as you wish and enjoy the warm, fuzzy, and energised sensations that will flood your body as a consequence. In this positive emotional state you will be more joyful and therefore more resourceful, more empowered and more productive. 

Doing this helps to re-programme your brain to seek out positive scenarios. Remember that practice makes perfect. 

2.     Instead of suppressing your anxiety, try engaging with it instead. Often anxiety is trying to communicate something to us, something that needs our attention. Listen to it and try to understand what it is trying to tell you about your present life situation. Do you need to take action with regards a personal relationship or a work situation? Once the appropriate actions are taken the anxiety often subsides. 

3.     Anxiety typically is in relation to a future event. We can’t control the past or the future. We only can exercise some control over the present moment. A quick way to bring yourself to the present moment is to bring your attention to your breathing. Breathe in and then slowly breathe out. Repeat this for a few minutes and enjoy the effects. Again it is helpful if you incorporate such a meditative technique into your everyday life.

4.     Anxiety often leads us to regress to a past childhood experience where we needed to be comforted and reassured. Here is an exercise that I do that almost always works to calm me down.
Close your eyes and imagine your child self as a baby or toddler perhaps. Imagine this baby coming to you and is anxious and frightened. What do you normally do to comfort a frightened child? Yes, you hold that child close, whisper in their ears and tell them that you will keep them safe. That they are loved and taken care of. Hold your inner child and comfort them for as long as needed. Usually it only takes a minute or two and you will feel calm again. 

It’s important to address your anxiety and seek professional help if necessary, as in some serious cases it can lead to depression and even suicide.

7 Tips to Stay Calm in this Frantic Time

working from home

We all at some point in our lives probably experienced fear and anxiety. At the moment with what has been happening in our world we are all probably worried, anxious and afraid. Some of us might even be experiencing panic attacks. I thought it might be useful to share a few tips that might help you manage your emotions in order to stay more calm and rational in these difficult and unprecedented times.

 “If you’re always focused on what you can’t control you’re going to feel overwhelmed. You’re going to feel fearful. You’re going to feel frustrated. You’re going to feel stressed. You’ve got to focus on what you can control, not what you can’t control.” -  Tony Robbins, Author, public speaker, life coach.

 1- Cognitive technique

As cognitive theories have explained, our feelings reflect our thoughts. So one way of managing how we feel would be to manage our thoughts. Often fear and anxiety result from distorted and illogical thoughts. At the moment we are constantly interpreting what is happening and this process happens without our awareness. Our thoughts just flow through our minds and create powerful and strong positive or negative emotions. Therefore if you were feeling anxious and afraid at the moment then I would invite you to take a step back and check on the kind of things that you are telling yourself. What kind of thoughts are you engaging in that are leading to your feelings of fear and anxiety? Once you become aware of those thoughts then take each thought one at a time and check on how realistic and true it is. What is the evidence if any that supports it? This will hopefully lead you to separate between neurotic fear and healthy fear. 

 “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. “ -  William James, philosopher & psychologist

 2- Fantasy versus reality

Why is it that some people are more vulnerable to feeling fear and anxiety as compared to others? This relates to your imagination and the fantasies you might be creating that are leading to your fear and panic. One technique that helps bring these fantasies or horror scenarios into your awareness is the “What If” technique. The way it’s done is by starting with a negative thought that you may have and writing it down then you draw an arrow underneath it and ask yourself “what if this were true, what’s the worst thing that can happen?” A new fantasy will pop into your mind. Write it down under the arrow and continue asking yourself the same question and repeat several times until it will lead you to the core fear that is triggering your fears. Knowing your core fear can help you process it and hopefully arrive at a healthier way of managing and thus avoid panic. For example, my daughters are in a different country to me at the moment and my core fear is that one or both of them might get seriously ill and have no one as caring as their mother to look after them. If I stay with this thought it can drive me insane. However, I challenge it with the reality that they are with their partners and friends who are as loving and as caring as myself. This new thought diffuses my fear immediately.

 “To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life. “ Jill Bolte Taylor, neuroanatomist, author & public speaker.

 3- Compassion technique

The reality is that most of us are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. This technique invites you to talk to yourself the way you might talk encouragingly and kindly to a family member or a friend who is having anxious, depressive and negative thoughts. Be willing to talk to yourself in the same compassionate way that you use with others.

 “Choose to be optimistic. It feels better. “ - Dalai Lama, spiritual leader.

 4- Virtual community

Stay connected, as physical isolation these days, thanks to technology, does not mean emotional and mental isolation. Use the various means available to you to get in touch online with friends, family, work colleagues and your coach or therapist. There is plenty to choose from: Zoom, Skype, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Messenger, Linkedin, Instagram and so on. Through technology we can be there for each other virtually if not physically and support each other and feel a certain degree of comfort. All my group activities have moved online plus I regularly do a group video call with my daughters and my sisters and feel very happy and comforted after such calls.

 5- Mind your language

If there was ever a time to pay attention to your words then it is now. Your brain is always actively listening so make sure your language is clean so you can re-enforce a positive and enabling attitude at all times. We are constantly engaging in self-talk so bring that internal dialogue into your awareness and choose your words carefully. Some words and phrases will enable you and others will bring you down. Instead of saying “Quarantine is going to drive me crazy”, you can say “Now I will have the opportunity to do the re-organising that I never had time to do before”. We are all forced to slow down. Look at this time as an opportunity to start a new hobby like writing or meditating. Engage in a family activity like sorting and looking at old photos. Be creative and use this time to reflect and perhaps make some important changes in the way you have been living your life.

“ A different language is a different vision of life. “ - Federico Fellini, film director & screenwriter.

 6- Exercise

We know that regular exercise helps release happy hormones so do it daily. You don’t need a gym as you can do fitness anywhere, even indoors. Dancing, skipping, hoola-hooping , yoga or running up the stairs several times. There are many videos again online that can give you creative ideas on how to stay fit indoors so keep on moving.

 7- Humour

Don’t forget to laugh as laughter teaches us something that words can only allude to. When you laugh you stop taking your self so seriously and therefore can see the absurdity of your fears and distorted thinking. Laughter delivers a message of self acceptance as well as acceptance of others. There have been a lot of funny videos and captions being passed around online at this difficult time and some have made me laugh till tears came rolling down my face. Laughter still remains the best medicine!

 “The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. “ -Mark Twain, writer.

 I hope you find these tips helpful. If you have any other ideas then please share in the comments. Stay safe and calm in this frantic time.

Tips For Revision The NLP Way

1. Find a suitable, quiet and well-lit place to work in. Preferably with enough space to allow movement and where you have a table or desk and chair so you are able to do some writing as well. It is ideal if you have such a space at home but if this is not possible then studying at your local library might be an option.

2. First and foremost draw up a timetable. List the subjects that you have to revise and check the number of days that you have available for revision. Allocate a number of days per subject depending on the subject load and then allocate a certain number of hours per topic per subject. In NLP we call this chunking down, breaking things into bits. This is important because for you to process information it needs to be in chunks of the right size. Here is a great way to diffuse that overwhelming sensation that you have when you are faced with a huge task such as revising for your exams. When a huge task is broken down into smaller chunks, it becomes more manageable and as you work through your timetable you will finish the huge task that seemed to be overwhelming earlier, in no time at all.

3. Set realistic goals especially when you plan your revision timetable. Your revision plan should be something you can stick to daily. Plan in your breaks and meal times. It is important to set realistic and achievable targets each day, which you can tick as you finish. This gives a good feeling and a sense of achievement and propels you on to the next target. Achieving your small targets or set goals is motivating, adds to your confidence and this in turn puts you in a positive state, something that is extremely important in NLP as the next point will outline.

4. Get yourself into a positive state. When you are feeling happy, relaxed and positive, learning becomes easier and more fun. Being in an agitated and anxious state makes learning hard and you are less likely to retain what you have learnt. Using NLP to put yourself in a positive state involves using your senses. One great way is to make a future movie of yourself having passed your exams. Perhaps you are celebrating with your friends. You are both the star and director of this movie. As the director of your movie make any necessary changes to make it more powerful and compelling. Perhaps add colour, sounds and happy noises. Close your eyes and transport yourself to the future: see what you can see, hear what you can hear and feel what you can feel at the end of the successful completion of your exams. Doing this exercise is also great to get your motivation back. It reminds you of your ultimate goal, the goal beyond the goal — the benefits you stand to gain on passing your exams. This can be exciting and energising.

5. Peripheral vision: In life we very much see things in a kind of tunnel vision. We focus on one thing and we tend to ignore everything else around it. To understand this think of when you are watching TV, on your computer or I-pad, or reading a book. You tend to just see the screen or the page and you are totally unaware of what else is happening in the room around you. This kind of vision also goes with an inner tunnel vision where we tend to focus or get fixated on a problem or issue and tend not to notice the other possibilities surrounding it. This can often lead to worry, anxiety and even panic attacks. NLP teaches a technique that helps to expand our vision to the periphery, to what is happening at the edges. This is what we call peripheral vision. This helps to slow down negative internal dialogue, achieve a calm and relaxed state that is more conducive to learning and retaining information. This is how it is done: sit somewhere where there is movement going on around you such as a park or café. Look at a point straight ahead but without focusing. Without moving your eyes to the right or left, become aware of what is happening around you. Take in your full field of vision simultaneously. Soon you’ll start recognising the movements around you. Repeat this exercise regularly in order to improve your peripheral vision.

6. Incorporate your learning style. Take a good look at yourself and determine whether you are you a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic learner? A visual learner needs to see things in order to learn them. An auditory needs to hear it first and a kinaesthetic needs to feel it. If you are visual then it helps to make notes or mind maps using different colour markers. Also putting up posters with information around your room for you to look at is also useful. For the auditory learner, reciting or even recording your own voice so you can play it later might be helpful. For the kinaesthetic learner, writing down notes, which involves using your body, and walking around the room, while you recite, can help. Some people, like my daughters, find it useful to do all three. If you are a morning person then get up early and make the most of the early hours. Alternatively if you are a night person then get up later and work later into the evening hours. In any case make sure to get enough sleep, as this is necessary to integrate what you have learnt. Some people find that it helps to discuss what they have learnt with someone else. Using rhymes or mnemonics can be useful to trigger your memory.

7. Apart from sleep and healthy eating, physical activity is very important. Exercise offers a change of scenery to sitting down all day in your room. The fresh air and oxygen is invigorating. If you are organised and disciplined there is no reason why you can’t keep doing your sporting activities alongside your revision. Factor this in your timetable.
   
   My last tip is directed at parents…

8. Help your child by creating the ideal environment in which they can revise. I personally do not host any guests during my children’s revision and exam times. I feel it is unfair and distracting to have people around when my daughters are working hard and exercising discipline. Give your kids healthy meals, snacks and fresh drinks. It is a time to pamper and not scold. Often students feel extremely stressed and under pressure so I feel that it is important as parents to make sure that our kids feel loved, understood and supported in this overwhelming time. Exercise some tolerance of mood swings. Be there to listen to their worries and help diffuse those worries by showing them a different perspective. Listen to them discussing what they have learnt as it helps them integrate it. And in those moments when they are so tired and overwhelmed, give them a shoulder to cry on and remind them that it is but an exam, not a matter of life or death. Remind them of their earlier successes so you can reinforce their positive belief in their abilities and remind them that they can only do their best and their best is good enough.
   

Exam Fever

If you happen to have a son or daughter sitting their last year of school, you will know that at the moment IB students are almost done with their exams and A level students will soon be on their study leave. Yes. Exam fever is here.

Does your son or daughter suffer from exam fever?
Do they get stressed, nervous and even have panic attacks, as the exam date gets nearer? 

It is quite some time ago that I sat my A level exams. However, I still vividly remember my experience. I found it difficult to fall asleep the night before the exam. I tossed and turned and tried to banish, in vain, all the negative scenarios that had crept into my head. On the morning of the exam I was a bundle of nerves and could not eat a thing. In order to keep my energy levels up I used to suck a dextrose tablet every now and then. I used to look with envy at the other students who seemed calm. I could not understand how they could stay so calm and chat away to each other like any other day while I was almost falling to pieces.  I used to ask myself “How do they do that?”

I found the answer to my question 16 years later when I discovered NLP.

Representational Systems and Submodalities

 We take in the world through our five senses and, using the information we gather, we make internal representations of the world. In NLP these are called “Representational Systems” and the five senses are called ‘Modalities” and they are:

V = Visual (sense of sight)
A = Auditory (sense of hearing)
K = Kinaesthetic (sense of touch and feeling)
O = Olfactory (sense of smell)
G = Gustatory (sense of taste)

From an NLP perspective, we concentrate on the first three senses, as the olfactory and gustatory sense, tend to be included under the Kinaesthetic System.

Let’s examine each sensory modality in a little more detail. Visually for example, the pictures you see can have a specific location, be bright or dim in colour or black and white, moving or still, big or small and so on. Similarly the sounds you hear can vary in tonality, volume or speed and the source can be internal, as in hearing your own internal dialogue, or external, as the voice of someone other than yourself. The same applies to your feelings, which again can vary in intensity, location (where in your body you feel it) and size. These finer distinctions are not a coincidence and they are referred to in NLP as “Submodalities”.

These submodalities are unique to each individual and they are the way we code our experiences. When you change the submodalities of an experience, you change how you feel about it.

The following is an example of exam fever and an NLP approach to curbing it:

Due to the type of course my daughter was interested in studying, some of the universities she applied to require that she sit a special scientific exam, BMAT, before her application could be considered. This exam did not so much depend on knowledge as much as on aptitude and skills. The only way she could prepare for it was to do as many example papers as possible. It was also a very high standard test and the score scale was designed so that academically outstanding applicants would score around 5 out of 10. Getting an average grade was something my daughter was not used to. She prepares well, works hard and aims high. Therefore when she consistently wasn’t getting a 9 or 10 she decided that she was not capable and, therefore, a failure. As the exam date got nearer she was getting more and more frustrated, agitated and in an almost near panic state. I decided that it was time to intervene and see what  internal representations my daughter was making about this exam that was getting her into such a negative state.

“What comes to your mind when I say BMAT?” I asked her one afternoon.

“I get a picture in my head.” She answered.

“What kind of picture?” I asked

“Well, I am in the school hall where we normally sit our exams.” She said.

“Where do you see this picture?” I asked again.

“It is right in front of me.” She answered.

“Right. Do you see yourself in the picture or are you looking through your own eyes?” I said

“I see myself in the picture.” She said.

Knowing from previous exercises that my daughter’s positive feelings are usually associated with pictures in which she is looking through her own eyes, I asked her the following.

“ Can you change your picture so you are able to look through your own eyes?”

“Yes I can,” she said.  Then quite unexpectedly she suddenly exclaimed, “Oh mum I am looking at the paper but I can’t see the questions, that is why I am in a panic”

“Ok. I want you to make some changes in the picture so you are able now to see the questions. Can you do that?” I asked

“Yes, yes I can.” She said after a short pause.

“Mum, I am fine,” she then said. “Now that I am able to see the questions I feel so much better. I can do this” and walked off to practice a few more papers.

On the day of the exam she was reasonably calm and went ahead and did her best in the BMAT exam. All it took was slight key adjustments in the submodalities that she was associating with her future experience of this exam.

So next time your child is in a panic state about an upcoming exam, bring to their awareness the internal representations that they are making in their mind in relation to this exam. Make some changes in the submodalities and see which key adjustments create the positive emotion that they desire.

In addition to the above, creating a resourceful anchor like I mentioned in my previous blog can also help put them in a more positive and motivated state. Sometimes simply reminding them of a past achievement or success story can do the trick. It brings to their awareness that they already have the resources they need to succeed.

Recommended reading: De-stress for Exams by Summersdale Publishers